Important things to study when your partner is cheating
You have been in a stable relationship but there is still something bothering you. Perhaps, it is the “Ex” factor that is still haunting your relationship. He might be in a relationship with you but he hasn’t got over his ex and you can perceive it. You can faintly see the signs he loves his ex still.
Have you noticed him still referring to his ex in conversations, talking to her when you are not around and seeming lonely even though you are with him? Is he still in love with his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? According to a survey1 done by 93.1 FM Wzak, 71% of people say they think about their ex too much; narrowed to singles, the figure goes up to 81%. Why is everyone hung up on their ex? You may wonder. We’re right with you on this one.
Perhaps, it is the comforting familiarity that keeps us gravitating back to old partners, even when we know there is nothing left in that connection. That being said, now that he is in a relationship with you, craving the old and comfortable isn’t really a good enough reason for your partner to keep pining for his ex. His inability to snap that connection will definitely get in the way of your relationship.
Dating someone who’s not over their ex is not a pleasant experience, to say the least. So, don’t take your suspicions lightly because they might be right and these signs will confirm it.
How many times have you thought to yourself, “I think my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex”? Being in a relationship with a person who still clings on to his ex makes you question your position in the relationship. You even begin to question whether this relationship is going to stick.
Confronting him without knowing for sure will just portray you as a jealous and suspicious girlfriend and will make him compare you with his ex. This conundrum can leave you wondering, “How do I confirm my suspicions before confronting my partner over them? Are there signs someone is not over their ex?” Well, as it turns out there are.
Related Reading: How do I cope with my husband’s deep friendship with his ex-wife?
1. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her
Your boyfriend and his ex might have ended their relationship but they are still on talking terms. Which in many cases can be okay, especially if they had been long-term friends and broke up on a good note. However, one of the alarming signs that he’s not over his ex is when you catch him texting her or calling her when you are not around.
You try to tell yourself that it’s not a big deal but his conversations don’t seem to end. Being friends with his ex is okay but the problem arises when your boyfriend or husband tries to hide the fact that he is in touch with her. Tara was devastated when she chanced upon a text conversation between her boyfriend and his ex. Even though he had told her that they were just friends and hardly spoke to each other, those messages pointed to the contrary.
The signs he wants to get back with his ex were written all over his heartfelt confessions of how much he missed having her in his life. Tara chose her dignity over a relationship where she always felt like the second fiddle. So, if your partner is friends with an ex, remember that this friendship is not a free pass to lie to you. There have to be some boundaries.
His friendship with his ex girlfriend
His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship
2. He hasn’t removed her pictures from social media
What are some of the signs someone is not over their ex, you ask? Well, this one is a definite red flag. If your boyfriend still keeps cozy and lovey-dovey pictures with her on his social media, he’s clearly not over her. When you confront him, he tries to stall you by making excuses like – “It’s a good picture”, “She’s just a friend now” or that “It will look rude”.
And if you catch him looking at those pictures sometimes it could be a definite one of the signs he is missing his ex. Treat it as the warning sign it is – you may just well be a placeholder until he can figure out a way to get back together with his ex. That’s not how you deserve to be treated in a relationship.
If you’re still in denial, ask yourself this: How many cozy pictures of you both does he have on social media? Have you ever caught him staring at your picture at 3 am? No? Well, you have your answer.
3. He brings up her name in conversations
Whether you both are on a date or spending quality time together at home, he somehow always brings up his ex. What does it mean when someone talks about their ex? The answer depends on the context and frequency of such mentions. If his ex seems to be in 60% of his conversations and this puts you off many times, it’s a cause for concern.
Some way or the other, there’s something that makes him remember and refer to his ex. Even when you both are hanging out with his friends he will talk about the fun episodes he had with his ex. It is as if you are still an outsider to him. This is another alarming sign he’s not over his ex.
Related Reading: Ex In Your Dreams? Find Out What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex
4. You’ve caught him stalking her online
You just sit beside him while he is on his phone and he gets all jumpy or nervous. You check what he was checking and there it is, the profile page of his ex, staring right at your face and mocking you. He tries to give excuses but you know what’s going on. He has been stalking his ex! Your boyfriend still misses his ex because he is still in love with her.
The signs that you’re dating someone who’s not over their ex couldn’t get any clearer than this. You need to have
5. He sometimes calls you by her name
“I take thee, Rachel”
Remember what happened when Ross from Friends said the wrong name at the altar? It was so embarrassing for Emily. Imagine if your boyfriend calls you by his ex’s name at a party.
Has this already happened to you? If yes, then it means that in his mind she still is his girlfriend and you are simply there to fill her shoes. If this has happened to you more than once then you need to rethink your status in the relationship, you don’t want to end up as the rebound.
He is mentally in a relationship with his ex
In his mind, he is still in a relationship with his ex
6. You don’t feel like you are in a new relationship
You don’t feel that rush and excitement of being in a new relationship. The excitement, the nervousness, the giddy rush of looking forward to a future together is just absent, and it could well be because your partner isn’t 100% present in the relationship. It is as if the honeymoon period in your relationship ended before it started.
The entire time you think whether he is cheating on you with his ex and you both are already behaving like an old bickering couple. If you barely even feel that his eyes are all for you at the beginning of the relationship, then something is off for sure. This is one of the signs he still loves his ex that should not be overlooked.
7. He still has her stuff
Ava found her fiance to be distant and withdrawn, more often than not. Even though he’d dismiss her concerns, she felt something was amiss. What are the signs someone is not over their ex? Ava would lose sleep over this question, night after night. Then, one day, she was looking for something at the back of his closet and found an old outfit of his ex.
He may have held on to her stuff
He may have held on to her stuff because he’s not over his ex
When she confronted him about it, he once again brushed it off as a case of his forgetfulness. But Ava knew the truth in her gut. He still has her stuff because he is not ready to let go of her and her memories. It’s one of the signs he still misses his ex and reminisces about her. He has her things because they are too precious for him to throw away as they are the only things that will connect him to her and he doesn’t want to let go of that.
On the flip side, if your boyfriend has one or two stray things that once belonged to her it could be a coincidence. Or maybe he kept them as a keepsake. This alone may not be among the signs he wants to get back with his ex. But if this happens in tandem with other indications of him being emotionally connected to her, then the writing is on the wall: he’s not over his ex.
8. He hasn’t told his parents about you
You have been in a relationship with him for quite some time now and still haven’t met his parents. His parents don’t even know that you exist as a friend. Did it take this long for him to tell his parents about his ex too? If no, then it’s because in his mind he feels that his old flame was the one for him and is still unsure about what he feels about you.
If he had introduced his ex to his parents, then it was definitely a serious relationship. It takes time for anyone to get over a serious relationship and there are chances that he still loves his ex. The question that you need to ask is, “If he is still hung up on his ex, what am I doing in his life?”
9. He compares you with his ex
One of the most alarming signs that he’s not over his ex is when you find him vocally comparing you to her. Whatever you do for him, whether it’s cooking for him or taking him to new restaurants, he will mention how his ex would do it. He constantly compares your actions with her and tells you how special she made him feel. Imagine cooking him his favorite dish only for him to tell you about how well his ex made it for him. It’s like he wants you to be her.
In these frustrating moments, you may find yourself questioning, “Why is everyone hung up on their ex?” We get the disappointment and exasperation you’re dealing with. But the question you need to be asking instead is, “Why am I taking this?”
10. He speaks about his ex during intimate moments
One of the most evident signs he still loves his ex or is not over his ex is if he mentions the ex during your intimate moments. If she is on his mind instead of you even during sex or moments of physical intimacy, there is little room for contention. Signs someone is not over their ex can’t get more telling than this.
Imagine your boyfriend saying her name instead of yours during the climax. It could not get worse! You may be able to forgive him for comparing your cooking with hers but not this! Are you willing to forgive him for thinking about his old love while having sex with you?
Related Reading: Even after discovering that her husband was sexting with his ex, she didn’t lose her cool
My Boyfriend Still Loves His Ex And Loves Me Too
“I think my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex”
“My boyfriend loves his ex more than me”
“He’s not over his ex. Should I be patient or should I leave?”
If any of the above thoughts have come into your mind, you aren’t being the crazy girlfriend. Your lurking doubts are not pointless and the above signs prove it. Sometimes, when you confront your boyfriend, he may tell you that he loves you but still misses his ex. He tells you that he needs time to get over her. It could be possible that your boyfriend still loves his ex and has jumped into the next relationship too soon.
He hasn’t taken the time to heal, and thus may still be figuring out ways to move on and start afresh. In such a scenario the person who suffers the most is you, the current girlfriend. Your current relationship becomes unstable as it still stands on the history of the previous relationship. Sometimes, the ghosts of their previous relationships make it harder for men to move on. They get into a fresh relationship but most of the time it’s a rebound.
In such a scenario, what men need is a friend rather than a confronting girlfriend. You could be that friend and help your boyfriend move on from his ex but don’t keep your hopes about your relationship high. Be there for him and get him to see how much you are willing to risk for him if you really want to try to make the relationship work. Rather than making the ex an obstacle of your relationship, treat her as the key to saving your relationship by helping him move on.
My husband is still in love with his ex
It is both easier and harder being married to someone who is not over his ex. The question you’re probably asking yourself is, “He’s not over his ex should I be patient or should I leave?”
When you’re married to a person, you have more time to get to understand each other and hence. You can still help your husband get over his ex and have more time to make him fall in love with you. So, don’t give up hope just yet. However, if you feel like there is no hope for him and he’s never getting over his ex, maybe it is time to let go and find someone who actually loves you and deserves you.