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Most Overlooked Reasons Why Marriages Fail

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Abba Kyari was Nigeria's de facto President - Yoruba leader, Prof Akintoye explodes

 

We are all aware that Financial problems, poor communication and bad temperament can cause  problems in marriages, but there are so many other threats to marital failure.

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Statistics has shown that nearly 50% of marriages end in messy divorce. With the constant rate of divorce in countries like America, it has become highly debatable that half of the marriages today always hit the rock. The high rate of divorce has made some younger generation skeptical of walking down the aisle and it has often prolonged marital indecisiveness in them.

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The truth is no one prays for a divorce, but most threats to divorce can be prevented before things escalate if one pays total attention to the changed.

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1) Families or Societal Pressures : Often times, our parents, friends and the society determine who we should marry. When one gets to his late 20s, it is highly expected that you get married and when you don’t, you get pressured and bullied into walking down the aisle with the next available suitor which can lead to a lot of issues in the marriage. Making rash decisions before marriage, often times leads to divorce. Once you rush into something, there is 80% possibility that you will rush out if it.

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2) Lack of Balance : Being married means creating times to juggle between the home front and your work life and time out with your friends and other family members. The truth is when you get married, there are a lot of things you need to declutter for you to be able to spare enough time for your family. You should be able to know when it is time for your home, work and friends. Most times, women who are extremely workaholic always end up divorce, cause they place their works or businesses above the family.

 

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3) Not being Supportive : No one wants a spouse that wouldn’t support his various endeavours. As we daily experience the ups and downs of life, we feel more comfortable knowing we have a supportive partner who believes in us and our dreams. When unpleasant experiences like death, loss of job, accidents, sickness sets in, we need a partner who can stand with us. Making assumptions during this times, rather than asking what they want and how they feel can create threats to the home. Sometimes, not all situations need to be fixed, you just need to show up and be there when they hurt. At such tough times, what you need to do is to talk things through and be honest with your spouse.

4) Unforgiveness : Our inability to forgive out partners bad forget whatever they did in the past can be a contributing factor to divorce. No one wants to be constantly reminded of the bad things he or she did like cheating etc, and when you constantly rub it on their face, they are likely to develop a resentment towards you. True forgiveness is when we are able to treat our partners as if they never hurt us. Truth is this can be very difficult, as we continually relive the trauma of past experiences which never gives the wiunds ghe opportinity to heal.

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5) High Expectations : Having an high expectations from someone can be disappointing. No one is perfect, and at such one can always fall short of things atimes. There is tendency your spouse can fail in getting that desired business deal,  getting a white collar job, providing for the family, meeting your personal needs, or whatever it is you long for and when this happens, rather than make them feel less why don’t you encourage them and gear them up. This would make them feel that you desire, love and place them above any other thing.

6)  Lack of Flexibility : In marriage, you need to be open to change and compromises.  Even if you have crossed all your ts and dotted your is on finances, parenting, intimacy, religion etc, there is possibility that you would have to make changes at the long run. You need to make room in your plans for things to change. You could have to resign from your work place to become a house wife, you might be required to change your environment, an health issue could set in which can affect your sexual life and so on. Whatever it is, you have to bear in mind that you and your spouse are a team and at such you should out heads together to tackle whatever challenges life throws your way.

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7) Lack of Worth : Most people, don’t know their worth and value and at such they succumb to any thing thrown at them. There are people who never explore what they really like or need and there are those that rely on others to make a choice for them.  These set of people date only those who look good for their brand or image, compliment their social or business life etc. And at such they never know why they really desire. There are those who don’t love themselves and always feel inferior and when you feel such way, there is no way you will be able to run the home. If you cannot love yourself, there is zero possibility that you will love others.

8) Lack of Investment : Finances is very vital in the home. Here, the investment is not only limited to financial terms but includes time investment and education investment. These two are important in keeping the home running smoothly. You can also invest in Counseling or Marriage therapy to help you maintain a balance home.

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9) Forgetting Friendship : It is unarguably that friendship before marriage, tends to strengthen the marriage. That’s why many advise you to marry your best friend as it helps boost your marital life. Your roles and responsibilities as a wife and husband can get too cubersome that you tend to loose count of keeping in touch with your spouse. Most times, we get carried away with our daily responsibilities that we rarely find time to chit chat and hang out with our partner. Being Mr and Mrs most times make us forget the friendship that was form in the dating or courtship process. It is best advisable that we approach marriage with friendship at the forefront and learn to constantly communicate with our partners from a friend perspective without always arguing or getting offended.

10) Unspoken Expectations : You shouldn’t expect people to know your every needs, they are not wizards. When we fail to utilize the opportunity to communicate our expectations, we tend to act on those expectations not being met. Women should devise the means of not letting their husbands know how vital security is to them. We believe that men are supposed to know how to provide, protect, defend etc, but we never discuss it in detail with them. There are men who were raised by a single mother and never knows what it means to be that security blanket. Likewise for women, men shouldn’t expect that they should know how to cook, clean up, wash the dishes etc, as not all are brought up in such environment or with such obligation. There are people who are also brought up to believe in shared house hold chores.

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If many marriages today, can put this aforementioned points to good use, it can help minimise the high rate of divorce.

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