Connect with us

Relationship

When your Ex calls you back, here are the things you can do to save yourself

Published

on

When your Ex calls you back, here are the things you can do to save yourself

‘I was his rebound. He was my crush. When he asked me to go out with him, I agreed in a jiffy. Two months into our relationship he and his ex made up. He broke off with me over text. It has been over six months and I am still reeling under this terrible behavior’. She wrote to us.

Advertisement

 

Whether it was a two-week fling or a mutual breakup, or if it’s that ex who had ghosted you and has re-surfaced for closure, getting contacted by your ex years later will take some time to settle in. While you carefully manipulate not to tap on the notification (so that you don’t leave him on ‘seen’), it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. If it was a nasty breakup, with cheating thrown in between, if you still have some resentment towards this person, you will have to fight the urge not to use the newest abuse words you have learned. If you have been ghosted and in need of some closure from the ex, you will generally think a lot before replying.

Advertisement

 

Maybe you have stalked your ex and it has been extremely painful? You are finally at peace but his message has brought back those memories. But before you type out an elaborate text asking for an explanation, pause and think about your life right now. Your ex is an ex for a reason and giving them enough attention when your present life is as fulfilling as it can get is like living in Chennai during the winter months: sad and soggy. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why he or she is your ex first.

Advertisement

Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes off to think of the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again.

 

Advertisement

Here are 8 points to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself.

 

Advertisement

1. Think of yourself first

Think of your life right now. Do you like how your life looks without your ex? If your ex and you had a very on and off and then on-again kind of a relationship, do you think bringing that back into your life is a healthy decision? Your obligation towards your ex has ended and it is alright to think of yourself first. If your relationship ending with your ex has left you in a therapist’s room with a bandaged wrist, it is wiser to leave the ex in the past. What if your ex got dumped and just wanted to feel wanted with you?

Advertisement

 

Ex contacts you years later

Advertisement

Think of yourself first

Ignore the attempt to contact you. But if you guys ended mutually but have somehow not kept in touch for these years, having a quick convo over Instagram is not a bad idea. Talking to an ex can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. Bit again: think of yourself first. Your mental peace certainly comes before his ranting to you about his workload and unmet marital fulfilment.

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

 

2. Don’t have to reply instantly

Advertisement

No matter how you guys ended things, try not to jump in to respond to the text immediately, even if it’s a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur.

 

Advertisement

Instant replies hint at either interest or joblessness – and even though you might be both, don’t let your ex pick up on the hint. This is not about playing games, it’s about knowing if you really want to restart a conversation with a person who you have dated in the past. You might be the kind of person who does not “stay friends” with their exes and sudden texting might throw you off guard. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji their way, grab a chai or slow cook mutton. Just take your time. What if the ex just wants to hook up and would want someone known rather than a stranger? In fact, we give you eight reasons why you should block your ex right then.

 

Advertisement

Dont have to reply instantly

Dont have to reply instantly

Advertisement

3. Don’t overthink

Don’t rush into anything when an ex contacts you. Don’t overindulge. The 3 D’s of getting contacted by an ex. If she has written, “Hey! Been a long time. How have you been?” Don’t overthink and conclude by yourself that the nasty text she sent to you while breaking up meant nothing and that she wants to get back together.

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

It’s easy to overindulge in their little time passes probably because you still have lingering feelings towards your ex. Don’t rush into setting a date for a catch up over coffee.

 

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

4. Talk to someone about it

Your mother is likely the best person to talk to about this but no one ever listens to their mother. So, find someone, who will be unbiased, unprejudiced towards your situation, to talk to. Perhaps your sister or your best friend or someone who has been there for you before.

Advertisement

 

Ex contacts you years later

Advertisement

Ex contacts you years later

If you have a close guardian or someone who knows your history with your ex, spill the beans about the text and ask for advice. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. Getting an outside opinion from someone who has more experience than you, is nothing short of maintaining the blissful life you have been having.

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

5. If you have a partner, think of them as well

Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little development on the ex-front.

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

If you are in a monogamous relationship and your ex texting you is making your heartthrob in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. If you still have feelings for this ex of yours and is considering the prospect of getting back with the ex, don’t just jump into it.

 

Advertisement

Your ex has been in your life for five minutes now and it is not okay to hold a conversation with him when your partner sitting next to you. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. That way even if you break up with your partner and get back together with your ex, at least you gave them a heads up.

 

Advertisement

 

Related Reading: Is it fine to still be friends on social media after a breakup?

Advertisement

 

6. What do you expect out of this renewed relationship?

Advertisement

Three words: Manage your expectation. Your ex might be a changed person – more decency, less infidelity. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends and also he tells you that he is a changed man.

 

Advertisement

Ex contacts you years later

Full-blown relationship

Advertisement

But how are you supposed to know that for sure? Before going down a path you have already gone down, voice what you want from this renewed relationship – be it any kind. Do you want to be Friends With Benefits because even though she was a terrible girlfriend but was a good lover? Do you want a full-blown relationship?

 

Advertisement

Or do you want to be friends till you can decide? Let your ex know. Be open about what are your expectations from this.

 

Advertisement

 

Related reading: 15 reasons why being friends with your ex doesn’t work

Advertisement

 

7. Don’t go looking for closure

Advertisement

If your only reason to respond to the text is to find some closure, it’s better to leave the text on seen.

 

Advertisement

Closure should come from within. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. But that should not be the only reason. Closure takes time and sometimes wounds won’t heal with an explanation. Making your ex feel bad is also a big no-no. That way you lose your mental peace as well.

 

Advertisement

8. Learn from your mistakes

If you have seen this behavior before from your ex, don’t dive in headfirst. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then contact you like the good old days? That usually means nothing serious and your ex is looking for some companionship.

Advertisement

 

 

Advertisement

If this companionship usually hurts you when he ghosts you again, it’s better not to indulge in it. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically.

 

Advertisement

Ex contacts you years later

Learn from your mistake

Advertisement

Every relationship ends differently and there is no strict rulebook to follow when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you years later. Each relationship has its own unique heartbreaking conclusion. So depending on that, choose if you want any contact with your ex.

 

Advertisement

Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person (but does it really happen?) And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly.

 

Advertisement

 

My girlfriend brings up her ex during intimate moments

Advertisement

 

12 things to remember when you run into your ex

Advertisement

 

Looking up your exes on social media? Is there a point?

Advertisement

 

Advertisement
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Trending

X